Letter To My 17-Year-Old Self

This day, 5 years ago, I left school. Here's a letter that I've written to the Olivia of June 25th, 2009.

Today you finished your time at Albyn School. You played your French Horn in front of everyone, picked up prizes, sang and cried your heart out. Oh God, did you cry! You’re going to be kind of annoyed later because in all the photos from the Closing Ceremony your eyes are all red and puffy whilst everyone else looks pretty normal. It’s ok, though. It helps me remember exactly how you were feeling at that point.

Tonight you were sitting on the sofa at Aisling’s house with friends when you heard that Michael Jackson had been admitted to hospital. It was so surreal, wasn’t it? The day was already monumental on a really personal level for you, and then in the evening the passing of this man made the date all the more fixed in your head.

It’s an end of an era. There’s nothing quite like Albyn, and the friends you made there. Just remember to stick with those Albyn girls, because they are going to prove themselves to be friends for life. And yes, you’ll still be doing “The Buzz” in your living room with them 4 years from now.

So take time out with these beautiful friends and enjoy this summer, because it’s going to be one of the best summers ever, what with trips down to the river bank and flying off to New York with your family. There’s another really good summer you’ll have in a few years’ time, coincidentally, you’ll be in New York for a part of that one as well. And guess what — we're heading over there again in a couple of weeks! Surely that must be an omen of another good summer coming. Oh, and I am working on the whole “live in New York” dream we’ve got going on. We’ll hit the Big Apple up semi-permanently soon, I promise.

Also! I’ve been looking over your Facebook and I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that you’re way past making cryptic Facebook statuses so that Quinton will speak to you on MSN. He’s left the country by this point anyway, hasn’t he? I think so. By now I think you’re pretty much over it all, anyway. The whole thing was pretty funny, huh? No? Ok, you’re still a bit miffed about the mornings you’d wake up grumpy and sad and come into school with a face like a lemon because he hadn’t texted you about taking you to prom yet. You’re good now, though. You will be good. I promise. I laugh about it all a lot now. You will too.

I don’t want to put in a lot of spoilers but you do end up in a relationship for a bit sometime over the next few years! He’s not Canadian, no. Yes, it’ll be lovely. Yeah, you guys do end up breaking up. Nah, it’s not that bad, really. You do a lot of cool stuff after that, it’s kind of like a new Olivia comes out from that one. Like a phoenix rising from the flames. It’s good! There will be some other boys, too. I’d watch out for the ones that have girlfriends, though. That becomes a bit of a theme.

All these experiences make really good music, though! The songs that you’re writing now are sort-of really cringe, but you’re gonna get pretty good at this whole songwriting thing soon enough! AND you’ll be able to play guitar much better than you do now! Just keep practicing it. You’re even playing live now! Actual gigs! You even got paid for some of them!

Today at the Closing Ceremony you picked up prizes for English and Music, and those two things have stuck with you very closely since. Keep your hand in on both these things and they’ll open a lot of doors for you. Keep writing. Keep singing. Make lots of things. Make terrible things, make amazing things, just make make make and with each thing you make, you’ll grow (yeah, Future You is really wise - or at least, she pretends to be - we fake it til we make it, bud).

Ok, let’s address something else. I know that you pictured yourself travelling to the Winter Olympics in 2010… I’m sure you know by now that it’s not gonna happen. Don’t be disheartened though, you will end up in Canada, eventually… probably sooner than you imagined! Wanna know a secret? ...we’re living in Canada right now! I can’t really believe it either. Thanks for all that focus and attention on not living a “normal life” — it seems to have rubbed off on me. No, you don’t have a Canadian boyfriend. Chill. One thing at a time, eh? (yes, you have started to say “eh” every so often. it’s pretty sporadic. and no, you haven’t got a Canadian accent. yet.)

There’s a lot of other stuff that I could tell you, but I want to keep some of it secret so that you get really excited and surprised when it does occur! I’ll just give you some general advice to round this all off. In the years ahead, remember to keep you head up and don’t put yourself down. It’s strange because I know you’ve spent most of your life believing that you lack motivation and self-discipline, but soon enough you’ll find that you’re quite the opposite, deep down. You have a great work ethic and you are much more amazing than you imagine (and I know that you already think you’re quite amazing, so we're off to a good start - try to keep that up!).

In the next few years you’ll grow, and growing comes with growing pains. Don’t be scared when the hard times come up — you get through them just fine. Here are some final pointers for you:

• Enjoy New York. You will be back there soon.
• Go to that swing dancing lesson in Fresher’s Week. Trust me.
• Try to make it to your tutorials in first year. And study. Learn for learning's sake while you're at university. Get lots of ideas and knowledge.
• There will be times when you fall in love with an idea of a person, rather than the person themselves. That will hurt, but it will make you stronger for it.
• The world isn’t watching your every move. I know that initially you will find this disheartening, but it’s not really. It takes a huge amount of pressure off your shoulders. Be free, friend!
• When it comes to life advice, I know that by now you’ve probably heard it all before — be kind, follow your dreams, work hard, stay humble — know now that you won’t really learn it until you’ve lived it. So go out and make mistakes (just don’t make really, really big mistakes, ok? Then I’ll have to jump in that time machine… I’m joking! We don’t have time machines here. Wink wink.)

Now, my little fledgling, kick back and enjoy your summer before you head off to Edinburgh. You’re going to have an amazing time at university. Let’s check back in with each other in another five years, ok? I’m sure I’ll have even more to tell you then.

Lots and lots and lots and lots and LOTS of love,

Your Future Self xxx