I’ve done pretty well for myself so far. I’ve moved over, found a place to live, found a job and even made a few friends in the process. I’m pretty happy. Now May is finally here, and it’s going to be a huge month: Canadian Music Week is going to be an all-encompassing week of terror and exhilaration and torrents of e-mails; Ian is coming to visit, and by the end of the month, I’ll have finished my three-month internship with Audio Blood. Oh, and I’ll be moving out of my flat. Phew!
So by June, I’ll be in a new place, with possibly a new work environment or situation (depending on if I choose to stay with Audio Blood, which I honestly hope to, as I love the work and the people there), and I’ll have come through my first big music festival project. There will be leaves on the trees (yep, still waiting) and a summer heat to the air. I’ll be living Canada, Phase 2.
I spoke to one of my best friends from home recently, and as we were talking about my moving apartments, she said that she saw the move as a signifier of me really coming into my element in Toronto. It’ll be summer, I’ll actually have a window to gaze out of… yep, it’ll be my time to shine. What I hope for during this “new time” is for more music excitement, job prospects and, most of all perhaps, more exciting friendships.
Making friends is such a huge process when you move abroad. It involves elbowing your way into someone’s life and seeing if they’ll make space for you. Sometimes you think they will, but they don’t — the once enthusiastic text messages end up rolling between you like tumbleweed and then, one day, they just stop. Sometimes you worry that they won’t accommodate you, but then they do, and you’re up, sitting and cackling like a pair of fools at the end of the night, as its pouring with rain outside. It’s a weird gamble, because every person I meet I can either attempt to hold on to or let go of, and each person has to make their mind up about me, as well.
I’m a bit bummed out because things are slow on the friendship front at the moment. Athena is moving away for three months over the summer to plant trees in Saskatchewan, Mr. Swipey’s started a new job and I’ve been crazy busy at work because of Canadian Music Week, which starts on Tuesday. One of my great hopes is that by the end of this week I’ll have made some new friends and stronger bonds with the people I work with, so that I’m not making a habit of sitting alone in my bedroom on weekend nights wondering who I can spend time with.
But I have had fun over the past week. I’ve been making some cash by handing out flyers at the end of gigs for CMW, and after one bout of shoving paper in people’s faces last Friday night, I and my flyering pal decided to go and get a drink at a bar downtown. We went to this place called The Ossington, which was packed with people — for some reason, everyone felt so much taller than me, I don’t know if it was because everyone actually was, or it was just the fact that everyone seemed a little bit older (it was as if, when I walked up to the bar, I was expecting to only have my eyes peep over the counter). We got a drink each and decided to head to the back room, where people were disappearing to. Turns out it was this small venue with low ceilings and a DJ up front, blasting 90’s hip-hop and soca music. It was hot and sweaty and so much fun. Every time a great jam came on, everyone would slap their palms against the low air vents on either side of the room. I hadn’t been dancing out in Toronto before - in fact, I hadn’t been out dancing in a really long time, so when guys started sidling up to me I almost had to stop myself from checking behind me for the obviously taller, prettier woman that they were really trying to engage with. But no, it was me they were talking to: turns out I was interesting, cute, and cool! It was fun just to dance, and at the end of the night one of the guys I danced alongside shook my hand, which I appreciated so much more than the classic club case of someone trying to go in for a sloppy kiss and phone number exchange. Ew. Hand shaking is good club etiquette, I have decided.
Hand shaking is all that I’m really getting up to these days, when it comes to guys, anyway. I was riding in a taxi today to a flat viewing when my driver cheekily asked me if I was moving apartments with my boyfriend. I rolled my eyes — what boyfriend? The driver asked me if I was seeing anyone, like it was his business. Was I interested in girls? Why no boyfriend!? I said I didn’t want one. He said I was lying — everyone wants someone. Not me, I thought, staring out of the window. Sure, someone to sling an arm around would be nice, but still… perhaps I’m far too comfortable being alone, I thought, not only when it comes to guys but also with friends. Is that why I’m sitting alone in my bedroom on Saturday nights, instead of getting outside and trying to chase down people to befriend?
I guess it’s also cause I’m pretty picky when it comes to the people I want to spend time around. I want friends with a glint in their eye, a little cleverness and a lot of good humour. When you whittle the people you meet down to those you want to spend time with, and then those who want to spend time with you, it often doesn’t leave you with much. But when you do find a match, it’s so relieving. I see myself as a gold panner, kneeling by the stream, sifting through rocks and dirt, looking for those little glints. You want the people who will take you out and talk about highly intellectual things as well as the incredibly stupid things. You want someone who will let you stay in with them and sit on their apartment floor, listening to records or watching cartoons. You want someone who you can text the morning after a night out, or speak on the phone to for hours late into the early hours. In a city as large as Toronto, these people are gold dust. I’ve found a couple that I hope to keep close during my time here, but I want a few more, so I can add them to my collection, and they can add me to theirs. So here’s to you, the friends I have and the ones I am yet to meet in Canada, Phase 2.
Some people spend their time just runnin' round in circles
Always chasing some exotic bird
I prefer to spend some time just listening for that special something
That I've never ever heard
I like a new song to sing, another show or somewhere entirely different to be
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